Life’s a mess, so deal with it
Group 1: Objects
If you go in with three pens, you’ll come out with one . . . and vice versa.
If you need photocopies for your class, the copier will be out of order.
If the photocopier is working, there won’t be any paper.
If you find the stapler, there won’t be any staples left.
By the time you find the whitener, the liquid will have dried up.
If you’re using the computers, there will be a power cut.
If you need to use the whiteboard, you won’t have anything to write with.
If the whiteboard needs cleaning, you won’t be able to find the board wiper.
If your class is on the third floor, you’ll leave your key in the staffroom.
Group 2: Planning
If you plan a pair work activity, you’ll have an odd number of students.
If you plan for 10 students, 20 students will turn up . . . and vice versa.
If you plan to take your class outside, it’s bound to rain.
The better you plan a class, the worse the end result will be.
Group 3: Setting Up Activities
The more you shout, the less your students will hear you.
The more gestures you make, the more invisible you become.
No matter how clearly you give your instructions, you’ll always need to repeat them at least three times.
If you’ve just set up an activity, three more bastards will roll in at that precise moment.
If you tell students to open their books at page 40, they’ll open them at page 14 . . . and vice versa.
Group 4: Punctuality
Just when you think no-one is coming, a solitary student will trickle in.
The one day you arrive late to class, all the students will be there waiting for and cursing you.
If you arrive 10 minutes early, everyone will be 10 minutes late.
Group 5: Cause and Effect
Using computers and DVD players causes power cuts.
Opening windows increases the volume of traffic.
Closing doors makes people want to knock on them.
Marking compositions brings on drowsiness.
Group 6: General Truths
If you give a brilliant class, nobody will want to hear about it.
If you give an awful class, nobody will let you forget it.
If you try to make a joke, you’ll regret you ever started.
The more you tell people how tough being a teacher is, the less they’ll believe you.
The most boring activities imaginable are the ones your students like best.
The worse you think a class is doing, the more they believe they’re making progress . . . and vice versa.
Posted by Colin Raphead on May 16th 2010 at http://crapheadscorner.blogspot.com/